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我婆婆總是邀請(qǐng)我出去玩，然后讓我付所有的費(fèi)用。我怎么能禮貌地告訴她這樣不好呢？

My mother in law always invites me out places and then makes me pay for everything myself. How can I politely tell her that this isn''t okay?

2021-05-24 ycb1990 23573 7 0 收藏糾錯(cuò)&舉報(bào)

譯文簡(jiǎn)介

網(wǎng)友：當(dāng)她叫你出去吃午飯的時(shí)候，你提前告訴她你對(duì)此很期待，因?yàn)槟阕罱鼔毫艽?，特別是因?yàn)槟氵@個(gè)月因?yàn)橐馔獾拈_銷而“資金不足”。然后迅速跟進(jìn)說“既然我上次付了錢，這次午餐就算在你頭上。非常感謝。”現(xiàn)在你已經(jīng)制造了一種這次午餐由她付錢的氣氛......

正文翻譯

我婆婆總是邀請(qǐng)我出去玩，然后讓我付所有的費(fèi)用。我怎么能禮貌地告訴她這樣不好呢？

0

評(píng)論翻譯

Josh Garver
About 8 years ago I was “dating” a girl, we went out a lot and I always paid. Well, turns out I was actually in the friend zone. Once I realized this, I stopped talking to her. A couple weeks later she invited me to go out to dinner. I knew this meant I would be paying, so I came up with a plan.

大約8年前，我在和一個(gè)女孩“約會(huì)”，我們經(jīng)常出去，我總是付錢。后來才發(fā)現(xiàn)她把我只當(dāng)做普通朋友。我意識(shí)到這一點(diǎn)后就不再和她說話了。幾個(gè)星期后，她邀請(qǐng)我出去吃飯。我知道這意味著我又要付錢，所以我想出了一個(gè)計(jì)劃。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://m.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

I told her to order first, she did. When it was my turn I loudly and clearly said to the server “and on my bill I would like….” and ordered my food.

我告訴她先點(diǎn)菜，她照做了。輪到我點(diǎn)菜的時(shí)候，我大聲而清楚地對(duì)服務(wù)員說: “我自己付錢的那一份是... ...”。

She didn’t say anything, but the look on her face was priceless! I didn’t hear from her after that :)

她什么也沒說，但是她臉上的表情精彩無比。從那以后，我再也沒聽到有關(guān)她的消息

Giulio Moro
Here’s a great tactic to use.

這里有一個(gè)很好的策略。

When she calls you to go out for lunch, just tell her up front that you’re really looking forward to it as you’re stressed and could really enjoy it, especially since you’re “l(fā)ow on funds” due to unexpected expenses this month. Then quickly follow-up with “since I paid last time, now it’s on you. Thank you so much.”. Now you’ve set the mood.

當(dāng)她叫你出去吃午飯的時(shí)候，你提前告訴她你對(duì)此很期待，因?yàn)槟阕罱鼔毫艽?，特別是因?yàn)槟氵@個(gè)月因?yàn)橐馔獾拈_銷而“資金不足”。然后迅速跟進(jìn)說“既然我上次付了錢，這次午餐就算在你頭上。非常感謝?！爆F(xiàn)在你已經(jīng)制造了一種這次午餐由她付錢的氣氛。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://m.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

While at lunch just go hog-wild and remember to say “thank you for the lunch, it was just what I really needed today” during dessert.

午餐的時(shí)候你盡管盡情享用，記得在吃甜點(diǎn)的時(shí)候說“謝謝你的午餐，這正是我今天真正需要的”。

If she gives you any slack, then just remind her that you’ve been paying all the previous times and now it’s her turn to start picking-up the tab.

如果她這次放你一馬，決定自己付錢。那就提醒她之前的午餐/購(gòu)物都是你付的錢，現(xiàn)在輪到她來買單了。

I believe in a reciprocal friendship unless one insists on treating the other. I order as I want on my dime and don’t impose or take advantage of others when it’s their treat, or force them to pay for my meal either. Separate bills from the get-go is the only way to go.

我相信互惠的友誼，除非一方堅(jiān)持給另一方付賬單。我想點(diǎn)什么就點(diǎn)什么，不會(huì)占別人的便宜，也不會(huì)強(qiáng)迫別人為我付賬。從一開始就決定各自付各自的錢是唯一的辦法。

Mary Fisher
Until recently (thanks a lot Covid) my siblings and I had a standing date for dinner together once a month. We would pick out a local restaurant or the occasional chain and meet for a meal and to catch up with everyone. From the start we decided on separate checks. It makes it stress free. Most of my siblings bring their spouses with them. Since I am spouse free and my kid sister’s husband was usually unavailable we would trade off treating each other to dinner. Once we ended up going to the
same restaurant 2 months in a row because the food was so good. The first visit my sister paid for my meal and I joked to the server that I was her date. The following month we got the same server. This time my brother in law actually came to dinner. When the server started taking our orders he looked over at my sister and her husband and said “She dumped you, huh?”. I laughed so hard I spilled my water and told him to put both their meals on my check. He was an awesome server.

直到最近(非常感謝這次疫情) ，我和我的兄弟姐妹每個(gè)月都有一次固定的聚餐。我們會(huì)挑選一家當(dāng)?shù)氐牟宛^或者連鎖店，一起吃頓飯聊聊天。從一開始我們就決定分開付賬。這樣可以減輕壓力。我的大多數(shù)兄弟姐妹都帶著他們的配偶。由于我沒有配偶，而且我小妹妹的丈夫通常沒空來聚餐，所以我們決定互相請(qǐng)對(duì)方吃飯。有一次我們連續(xù)兩個(gè)月去同一家餐廳聚餐，因?yàn)槟抢锏氖澄锾贸粤?。我妹妹第一次來給我買單的時(shí)候，我跟服務(wù)員開玩笑說我是她的約會(huì)對(duì)象。接下來的一個(gè)月，招待我們的服務(wù)員都是同一個(gè)人。有一次，我妹夫真的來吃晚飯了。當(dāng)服務(wù)員在旁邊聽我們點(diǎn)餐的時(shí)候，他看著我妹妹和她的丈夫說: “她甩了你，嗯?”.我笑得很厲害，把我的水都灑了出來，告訴他把他們的兩頓飯都算在我的賬上。他是個(gè)很棒的服務(wù)員。

Tilly Hayle
You are absolutely right. You should NOT pay for her every time. There’s no need to be polite, she is walking all over you and enjoying it. Be kind but very, very firm. You say, she ‘makes’ you pay for her? She cannot physically force you to do anything. Don't pay for her. If you do it once again - even as a one-off, she’ll win again.

你說的完全正確。你不應(yīng)該每次都為她買單。對(duì)她沒必要客氣，她感覺自己吃定你了，正在享受這一切。要友善，但要非常非常堅(jiān)定。你在帖子上說，她要求你為她買單？聽著，她不能強(qiáng)迫你做任何事。不要為她付錢。如果你再做一次，即使只有一次，她也會(huì)再次獲勝。

When she invites you out, you could say, ‘Oh that would be lovely, although I only have enough money to pay for myself.’ Not exactly subtle but might give her the message. If you can’t say that, then, when you do go out and it’s time to pay, add up your own food and ask for a separate bill, or simply give the cashier your share. Ignore her attempts to get you to pay (ie: I have no money, I have forgotten my purse). Pay your way then smile, say you’ve enjoyed seeing her (especially if you do enjoy her company). If she is left behind and has to wash the dishes then she will learn that she shouldn’t eat out when she doesn’t have the money to pay for it and that you are no longer her doormat.

當(dāng)她邀請(qǐng)你出去的時(shí)候，你可以說，‘哦，那太好了，雖然我的錢只能付我自己那一份的費(fèi)用。這句話雖然不是很含蓄，但也許能讓她明白你的意思。如果你不能這么說，那么，當(dāng)你外出并且準(zhǔn)備付賬的時(shí)候，把你自己的食物加起來，要求單獨(dú)付錢，或者干脆把你的那份錢直接給收銀員。別理會(huì)她讓你付錢的企圖(像我沒錢，我忘了帶錢包之類的理由)。付賬的時(shí)候微笑著說你很喜歡和她一起吃飯。如果她因?yàn)闆]錢付賬而不得不洗盤子時(shí)，她就會(huì)明白，當(dāng)她沒有錢支付餐費(fèi)時(shí)，她就不應(yīng)該在外面吃飯，而你也不再是她的逆來順受的可憐蟲了。

Anonymous
My mother is extremely mean and has a sense of entitlement. She is like that with friends but worse with family. A few years ago my partner offered to collect her and bring her here for a week’s holiday. This cost him about $300 in petrol and two days unpaid off of work. She never said thank you nor offered a cent towards it… (she is quite wealthy). We let that go. She then expected the pair of us to take her out for lunch and dinner every day, always leaving us to pay. My husband is too kind，
so he paid every time. She said she would take us out for a meal at the end of the week. When it came to that meal we went for a Chinese. At the end of it she asked for the bill and complained about how high it was. Then reluctantly paid. On the way home she wanted to pop into a supermarket to get a few bits to take home. She gathered together the stuff she wanted and went to the check out, then turned to me and said that she had spent all of her money on the very expensive Chinese meal and expected me to pay for these groceries. She had a credit card with her but did not want to use it. I told her to put them back on the shelves then.

我媽媽非?？瘫?，而且有一種所有事情都是她應(yīng)得的權(quán)利意識(shí)。她在朋友面前就是這樣，但在家人面前就更糟了。幾年前，我的伴侶提出來接她，帶她來這里度一個(gè)星期的假。這花費(fèi)了他大約300美元的汽油和兩天的無薪假期。她從來沒有說過謝謝，也沒有給過一分錢... ... (她很富有)。我們也沒太放到心上。然后她希望我們兩個(gè)每天帶她出去吃午飯和晚飯，總是留下我們付賬。我丈夫非常善良，所以他每次都會(huì)付賬。她說這周末她要帶我們出去吃飯。等到周末，我們?nèi)チ艘患抑胁宛^。等到她付賬的時(shí)候，她抱怨賬單太高了，最后極不情愿地付了錢。在回家的
路上，她想去超市買點(diǎn)東西帶回家。她選好她想要的東西，去結(jié)賬，然后轉(zhuǎn)向我說，她已經(jīng)把所有的錢都花在了那頓非常昂貴的中餐上，她希望我來付這些雜貨的錢。她隨身帶著一張信用卡，但不想用。我直接告訴她，既然你不能付賬，請(qǐng)把所有的商品再放回去。

Another thing she has a habit of doing is looking through my kitchen cupboards. Then when she finds three packets of biscuits she says we do not need three packets and she will take two packets home with her AND proceed to put them in her bag. I tell her to put them back.

她還有一個(gè)習(xí)慣，就是翻看我的廚房櫥柜。然后，當(dāng)她找到三包餅干時(shí)，她說我們不需要三包，她會(huì)帶兩包回家，然后把它們放進(jìn)她的包里。我告訴她把它們放回去。

At one stage she expected us to drive to her and back - at a cost of two days off of work unpaid and a lot of money on petrol, to hoover her carpet for her, because it was going to save her $40 on paying a cleaner to come and do it. No way.

有一段時(shí)間，她希望我們開車送她回家，然后幫她把地毯吸干凈，這樣她就不用雇清潔工了，從未可以省下40美元。而我們付出的代價(jià)是請(qǐng)兩天假（無報(bào)酬）和花費(fèi)大量的汽油錢。我直接告訴她這不可能。

People can only get you to pay for things if you let them. The more you do it the more they expect it and take you for granted.

人們只有在你愿意的情況下才能讓你付錢。你做的越多，他們就越期待，并且認(rèn)為讓你付錢是理所當(dāng)然的。

Kris R.
I've had so called “friends” pull this crap and there's no need to be polite about it, regardless of what they think.

我之前的“朋友”也對(duì)我干過這些損事，不管他們?cè)趺聪?，沒有必要對(duì)他們保持禮貌。

The bottom line here is that you're being used, and friends (actual friends) don't pull that crap. I see no valid reason family should be allowed to either, unless your income is such that in YOUR eyes you can afford it and are WILLING to afford it.

底線是你被利用了，而朋友(真正的朋友)不會(huì)利用你。除非你的收入在你看來是可以負(fù)擔(dān)得起的，而且你也愿意負(fù)擔(dān)，否則我看不出有任何正當(dāng)?shù)睦碛稍试S你這樣做。

Here was my solution:

以下是我的解決方案:

After a couple of months of these “invitations” to dinner with me; always ending up with me paying for both our meals, I became fed up with the lack of reciprocity.

我的朋友這幾個(gè)月一直邀請(qǐng)我共進(jìn)晚餐，但最后總是我付我們兩個(gè)人的飯錢，我對(duì)這種缺乏互惠感的友誼到厭煩。

The next time this “buddy" called with his “invite" to dinner, I gently explained that since he was issuing the invitation, that told me that he was footing the bill.. After all, one doesn't invite a guest to a dinner at your house and then expect THEM to bring the food.

下一次這個(gè)“伙計(jì)”打電話來說他要“請(qǐng)”我吃飯時(shí)，我溫和地解釋說，既然他發(fā)出了邀請(qǐng)，那就說明是他請(qǐng)客。畢竟，一個(gè)人不會(huì)邀請(qǐng)一個(gè)客人到你家吃飯，然后期望客人能帶來食物。

Oddly enough ;} his “invite” was withdrawn and he never asked again unless we were doing separate tabs.

奇怪的是，他的“邀請(qǐng)”撤回了，除非我們分開付賬單，否則他再也沒有主動(dòng)提起要和我一起吃飯。

He never once offered to pay my meal, and he vanished from my life about 3 months after that conversation (probably found a new sucker to sponge off of).

他從來沒有主動(dòng)幫我付過飯錢，大約在那次談話之后的3個(gè)月，他就從我的生活中消失了(可能找到了一個(gè)新的寄生蟲)。

The problem here is that in my world, family relationships and friends relationships are TWO way streets. There must be reciprocity on some level in order for it to work for both people.

問題是，在我的世界里，家庭關(guān)系和朋友關(guān)系是雙向/互惠的。在某種程度上，必須存在互惠關(guān)系，這樣才能使雙方都受益。

If I couldn't foot the bill to reciprocate for a meal they bought, I would usually invite them over to my home an cook something nice for us to repast upon.

如果我請(qǐng)不起我的朋友下館子，我通常會(huì)邀請(qǐng)他們到我家做一頓美味的飯菜。

I've also had that done for me when the other person couldn't afford to pay.

當(dāng)別人付不起錢的時(shí)候，我也會(huì)這樣做。

Brian Ellis
I do not understand why people do not distance themselves from people like this. I suppose I must be the most self-centered man walking the planet. If I ask someone to join me for a restaurant meal, I don’t mind picking-up the tab, however I will not be taken advantage of, and I give everyone one chance to prove them-self.

我不明白為什么人們不和這樣的人保持距離。我想我一定是這個(gè)星球上最以自我為中心的人。如果我邀請(qǐng)別人和我一起去餐館吃飯，我也不介意自己去買單，但是我不會(huì)讓人占我便宜，我給每個(gè)人一個(gè)機(jī)會(huì)來證明自己。

I would suggest you keep your distance, and tell mumzy you have other plans when she calls you to get together. Eventually she will stop calling.

我建議你和你婆婆保持距離，當(dāng)你婆婆打電話約你出來的時(shí)候，告訴她你另有安排。最終她會(huì)停止打電話。

I remember having a new friend over to my house for cocktails once. And the guy actually brought his roommate with him, and his roommate brought some of his friends too. I guess they heard I was serving drinks! These lushes drank quite allot of my booze. And one of them even splashed on my expensive cologne when they were in my bathroom. Anyway, I didn’t mind as I thought at least one of them would have sent me a drink when we got to the bar, after all, I did help pay for our taxi ride to
the nightclub. But no. Not a single offer from any of them to send me a drink. So, I hung around in the bar for a short-bit, and I quietly slipped out and went home when they were all on the dance floor. I have never seen any of them since. That was in 1981!!!

我記得有一次有個(gè)新朋友來我家喝雞尾酒。這個(gè)家伙帶了他的室友，他的室友也帶了一些朋友。我猜他們聽說來我這里會(huì)有酒喝！這些小伙子把我的酒喝得差不多了。其中一個(gè)人去我浴室的時(shí)候噴了我昂貴的古龍水。不管怎樣，我并不介意，因?yàn)槲艺J(rèn)為他們中至少有一個(gè)會(huì)在我們到酒吧的時(shí)候請(qǐng)我喝一杯飲料。畢竟，去夜總會(huì)的出租車費(fèi)是我付的。但是他們沒有一個(gè)人請(qǐng)我喝一杯。于是，我在酒吧里閑逛了一會(huì)兒，趁他們都在跳舞的時(shí)候，我悄悄溜了出去，回了家。從那以后我再也沒見過他們。那是在1981年！
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://m.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

Jamie Wilson-Hull
You can ask one simple question BEFORE you go out.

你可以在出門前問一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的問題。

“Oh…are you paying for us/this excursion out this time?”

“哦... ... 這次旅行是你付錢嗎?”

If she hmmm’s and haw’s…that’s code for “well, I thought you’d pay like usual”. Don’t go for it unless you really want her company AND wish to pay for it.

如果她支支吾吾的... ... 那就是暗示“嗯，我想你會(huì)像往常一樣付錢”。除非你真的想要她的陪伴，并且希望為此付錢，否則就不要和她一起出去。

I have a friend who has done this to me and I’ve fallen for it every single time. I now, don’t. I can’t afford it any longer and guess what? The invitations out have stopped.

我有一個(gè)朋友就是這樣對(duì)我的，我每次都上當(dāng)?，F(xiàn)在我不會(huì)上當(dāng)了，。我再也負(fù)擔(dān)不起了，你猜怎么著？她再也沒有邀請(qǐng)我出去完了。

There’s nothing wrong with paying sometimes as long as there’s a reciprocation (ie: she pays next time). If there isn’t, you’re being used.

有時(shí)付錢沒什么錯(cuò)，只要有回報(bào)(例如: 下次吃飯，她付錢)。如果沒有，你就是在被利用。

IF she mentions that she’s short on cash, you have the option of saying something like, “I am too…let’s not do that right now.” Come up with something free or less expensive to do. I think that she’ll turn it down or perhaps, she’ll go for it but, you shouldn’t be paying for her ideas.

如果她提到她缺錢，你可以這樣說，“我也是... ... 要不我們這次就不出去了?！被蛘呦氤鲆恍┟赓M(fèi)或者便宜的事情來做。我想她會(huì)拒絕的，或者，她會(huì)接受的，但是，最終你不應(yīng)該為她的想法買單。

Even if you can afford these things and she knows it, you have the option of asking for separate bills if it’s out for dinner or lunch or anything else. If she says something like, “I don’t have the money for this,” you can offer to pay this ONE LAST TIME to get her and you out of a jam and argument but, never allow it to happen again as stated above.

即使你負(fù)擔(dān)的起這些東西，而她也知道這一點(diǎn)。也可以在晚餐或午餐或其他任何時(shí)候，選擇要求單獨(dú)結(jié)賬單。如果她說，“我沒有錢來付我那一份的賬單,”你可以提出這次幫她支付最后一次，但是后面像這樣的事情永遠(yuǎn)不要再發(fā)生。

You’ve set a precedent with her now so, it’s going to be harder for you to stop but, it’s doable.

你現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)和她開了個(gè)先例，所以，你很難阻止類似的事情再發(fā)生。但是上述的辦法也是可以借鑒的。

Just find other alternatives and DO speak to your husband about it all. See what his take is on the matter, explaining your fears and situation. HE MAY talk to her about it and get you off the hook.

找到其他的替代方案，一定要告訴你的丈夫這一切?？纯此麑?duì)這件事的看法，向他解釋一下你的恐懼和處境。他也許會(huì)跟他媽媽談?wù)勥@件事，讓你擺脫困境。

I’ve never invited anyone out unless I can pay for myself or them if need be, unless they say something like “oh, you’ve paid the last 3 times or more that we’ve been out. This is on ME this time.”

我從來沒有邀請(qǐng)過任何人出去，除非我能為自己或他們支付賬單。除非他們說類似“哦，你已經(jīng)支付了3次或更多，這次我請(qǐng)客?！钡脑?/b>

Best wishes!

最好的祝愿！

Stavros Macrakis
First, talk this over with your spouse. What is going on here?

首先，和你的配偶討論一下，到底是怎么一回事？

Why is she inviting you out? Is it to get to know you better/check up on you? Or is it just because she wants a free meal?

她為什么要邀請(qǐng)你出去？是為了更好地了解你還是敘敘舊？或者僅僅是因?yàn)樗胍活D免費(fèi)的晚餐？

Why does she expect you to pay? Are you much richer than her? Does she think that you’re spending your spouse’s (i.e. her son/daughter’s) money, which she thinks of as hers?

她為什么要你付錢？你比她有錢多了嗎？她是否認(rèn)為你在花你配偶(即她兒子/女兒)的錢，而她認(rèn)為這些錢是她的？

If you do want to change this pattern, what you might say next time is “I’d love to have a chance to catch up with you. But I really need to (cook for the children / work on my classwork / write a report for my boss) in the evenings. Would you like to come over for coffee some morning?” or “Do you want to join us for dinner at home on Thursday?”. Then “I’d really like to take you and my spouse out to dinner one of these days. Maybe on XXX (six weeks away)?”

如果你真的想改變這種模式，下次你可以說: “我希望有機(jī)會(huì)和你一起敘敘舊。但是晚上我真的需要(給孩子們做飯/做功課/給老板寫報(bào)告)。你愿意哪天早上過來喝杯咖啡嗎?”或者“你想星期四來我們家一起吃晚飯嗎?”.然后說“我真的很想哪天帶你和我的愛人一起出去吃飯。也許在 XXX (六周后) ?”

Or you could act like the old-fashioned wife, and say “Oh, my spouse (her child) manages our budget — let me see if he’s OK with treating us to dinner when s/he’s not joining us.” This puts the discussion between her and her child.
或者，你可以表現(xiàn)得像個(gè)保守的妻子，說“哦，我的配偶(她的孩子)管理著我們的預(yù)算ーー讓我看看他/她是否愿意在他/她不在的時(shí)候，我們單獨(dú)一起出吃飯?！边@會(huì)讓她和她的孩子進(jìn)行討論。
Shannon Nealey
First off, stop being polite.

首先，不要客氣。

Second, tell her off.

其次，責(zé)備她。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://m.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

Then simply decline her offer. It’s rude to invite someone out to engage in an activity and then expect them to pay for everything. Just stop. I mean, if you want to go, then do so and just pay your own way.

然后直接拒絕她的提議。邀請(qǐng)別人參加一項(xiàng)活動(dòng)，然后要求他們?yōu)樗械臇|西付錢，這是很不禮貌的。停止這樣做。我的意思是，如果你想去，那就去吧，只付自己那一份錢就行了。

But understand that you are not obligated to do anything with your MIL. You don’t owe her anything simply because you are married to her child. You are an individual, so keep that in mind.

但你要知道你沒有義務(wù)替她做任何事。僅僅因?yàn)槟闳⒘怂暮⒆硬淮砟闱匪魏螙|西。要記住一點(diǎn)的是，你是個(gè)獨(dú)立的個(gè)體。

You can say No. You don’t have to be polite.

你可以說不，你不必客氣。

I get the impression that you go along to keep the peace. Well, that keeps the peace on the outside, but what about the peace within? That should be your priority.

我覺得你這樣做是為了家庭和平。現(xiàn)在家庭是和平了，但是你內(nèi)心的和平呢？你自己內(nèi)心的和平才是你真正首要關(guān)心的事情。

Shelia Gulledge
Want to be sure I am interpreting your question correctly. When you say “pay for everything,” do you mean her tab as well as yours or that she invites you out but you must pay for everything you order yourself?

想確認(rèn)我對(duì)你的問題的解釋是否正確。當(dāng)你說“為所有東西買單”，你是指你們吃飯的賬單，還是包括吃飯、購(gòu)物等所有的賬單？

I don’t assume that she is trying to take advantage of you but may not be aware that if she is asking you to consistently foot the bill, that is a faux pas. When my aunts or dad was living, I would never let them pay the bill as a sign of respect for my elders. Perhaps her thinking is along those lines (as antiquated as that concept is).

我不認(rèn)為她是想占你的便宜，她可能沒有意識(shí)到這樣做的不妥。如果她一直要求你為她買單，那就是失禮。當(dāng)我的阿姨或者爸爸還活著的時(shí)候，為了表示對(duì)長(zhǎng)輩的尊重，我從來不讓他們付賬。也許她的想法就是這樣的(盡管這個(gè)概念已經(jīng)過時(shí)了)。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://m.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

If she is using the outings to bond wit you, next time she “invites” you for a lunch shopping trip, instead invite her to your house and tell her you’d love to prepare a little meal or dessert for you two instead, or that you’d love her to show you one of your husband’s favorite recipes, etc. You could also arrange outings timed AFTER lunch. At the beginning of the meet-up, tell her you just ate and are too full to even CONSIDER getting something else to eat, but she could get herself something if she wanted.

如果她利用外出和你建立關(guān)系，下次她“邀請(qǐng)”你去吃午餐購(gòu)物時(shí)，你可以邀請(qǐng)她去你家，告訴她你想為你們兩個(gè)準(zhǔn)備一些飯菜或甜點(diǎn)，或者你想讓她給你展示你丈夫最喜歡的食譜，等等。你也可以安排在午飯后外出。剛開始見面的時(shí)候，告訴她你剛吃過東西，而且很撐，不想再吃其它東西了。但是如果她愿意的話，她可以給自己弄點(diǎn)吃的。

There are a variety of ways to approach this without creating a wedge issue between you two that may impact the relationship with her and your husband or your future kids. If you have the kind of relationship where you could simply have a heart-to-heart, that may work as well rather than letting resentment settle in and fester.

有很多方法可以解決這個(gè)問題，同時(shí)又不會(huì)在你們之間制造分歧，從而影響到你和她、你的丈夫或者你未來的孩子的關(guān)系。如果你們之間的關(guān)系是那種可以坦誠(chéng)相見的關(guān)系，那么這種關(guān)系也可以起到同樣的作用，而不是讓怨恨在心中滋生和潰爛。

Best to you both

祝你們倆好運(yùn)

Gwen Sawchuk
The next time she invites you, tell her you can’t afford to go out with her. Keep it simple, don’t offer anymore explanation than that. Say it in a calm manner.

下次她邀請(qǐng)你的時(shí)候，告訴她你沒錢和她一起出去，簡(jiǎn)簡(jiǎn)單單的說出來，不需要說太多話來解釋。以平靜的方式說出來。

If she insists that she will pay? Accept and be prepared. If you’re going out to lunch, bring just enough money to pay for the tiny lunch you plan to eat. If she pays for both of you, that’s great. If she doesn’t and still expects you to pay, explain you only have enough money to pay for your lunch. Again, keep it simple. Stay calm and don’t apologize.

如果她堅(jiān)持這次她來付錢時(shí)。你可以接受她的邀請(qǐng)并做好準(zhǔn)備。如果你要出去吃午餐，帶上足夠的錢來支付你計(jì)劃吃的小份午餐。如果她為你們倆付賬，那就太好了。如果她沒有，而且仍然希望你付錢，解釋說你的錢只夠付你那份的午餐。再說一次，保持簡(jiǎn)單。保持冷靜，不要道歉。

Maybe you can discuss with her separate checks or taking turns paying. Maybe her son needs to talk to her. This is a delicate situation, as it involves your in laws. You may not be able to cut them from your life, but you will need to have boundaries.

。也許你可以和她討論分開付賬或者輪流付賬。也許她兒子需要和她談?wù)?。這是一個(gè)微妙的情況，因?yàn)樗婕暗侥愕囊鲇H。你可能無法將他們從你的生活中抹去，但是你需要有界限。

Michael Fostaty
This is ridiculous. All of these answers dance around the actual problem. When an invitation is offered, the expenses are either shared or the person that offered the invitation pays. The invitee isn’t or shouldn’t be on the hook for payment.

這太荒謬了。所有這些答案都圍繞著實(shí)際問題。當(dāng)你被邀請(qǐng)時(shí)，費(fèi)用要么是分?jǐn)偟?，要么是提供邀?qǐng)的人付錢。被邀請(qǐng)人不應(yīng)該被要求付款。

Is this what honest communication has come to in today’s world? Is it because I’m a guy and think differently? I would just tell her, and it would have happened after the second time out, so the third invitation, “Thank you for the invitation. I love going out with you but I just can’t afford to pay for both of us all the time. I enjoy your company, but when you invite me out, I’m the one that ends up paying. Sorry, I can’t do that anymore.”

這就是當(dāng)今世界誠(chéng)實(shí)溝通的方式嗎？難道是因?yàn)槲沂莻€(gè)男人，思維方式和你們不同嗎？在第二次外出后我會(huì)直接告訴她。所有在她第三次邀請(qǐng)我之后，我會(huì)對(duì)她說，“謝謝你的邀請(qǐng)。我喜歡和你一起出去，但是我不能總是負(fù)擔(dān)我們兩個(gè)人的費(fèi)用。我喜歡你的陪伴，但是當(dāng)你邀請(qǐng)我出去的時(shí)候，我是那個(gè)最后付錢的人。對(duì)不起，我不能再這么做了。”
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://m.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請(qǐng)注明出處

If there isn’t going to be a sharing of the expenses, then I won’t be going with someone else’s, “invitation”.

如果不能分?jǐn)傎M(fèi)用，那么我就不會(huì)接受別人的“邀請(qǐng)”。

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