你起床后做的第一件事是什么？
What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
譯文簡介
尿尿。
正文翻譯
What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
你起床后做的第一件事是什么？
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Give my guinea pigs their morning carrot. If I don’t get it immediately they will “wheek wheek wheek” until I do
給我的天竺鼠吃早餐胡蘿卜。如果我不立刻喂的話他們就會“嘰嘰嘰”地叫，直到我給他們喂。
Check the time
看一眼時間
See if you're going back to bed huh
看看你要不要再回被窩睡一覺是吧
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://m.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
Check the time. It's 1:30. Good, I can go back to sleep. Wake up again. Check the time. It's 4:32. Damn, gotta wake up soon, but still can sleep for a bit. Wake up again. Check the time. It's 1:34. Damn, must have read 1 as 4. Time to go back to sleep. Wake up again. It's 2:30. Well, still time to sleep. Wake up again. It's 1:41. Wait what? Nevermind, need to sleep more. Wake up again. It's 16:43. Wait, have I slept that much? But why is it so dark then? Get up to investigate. Wake up again. It's 5:43. And the house has another room that shouldn't be there. Damn, I'm stuck in that hangover inception loop. *roars to wake up properly* *wakes up, feeling that it's finally for real* Wait, so it's Saturday?
看一眼表。一點半。好，我可以再睡一會兒。再醒過來，看眼表。四點三十二。媽的，得趕緊起了，但還可以再睡一小會兒。再醒過來，看眼表。一點三十四。我草，之前肯定是把1看成4了。該回去再睡一會兒了。再醒過來。兩點半。哎，還能接著睡。再醒過來。一點四十一。啥？不管了，還得接著睡。再醒過來。16點43.等等，我睡了這么久嗎？但外面為什么這么黑呢？起床看看吧。再醒過來。5點43.房子里有另一個不該存在的房間。我草，我睡出盜夢空間來了。（為了好好起床大吼一聲）（醒過來，感覺是時候面對真正的生活了）等會，今天周六？
"How long is it until my alarm goes off? ...Only two hours this morning?"
“我鬧鐘還有多久響……只剩兩小時了？”
check my phone
看一眼手機。
Since my alarm is on my phone, I have to shut it off... and then yeah, I check notifications.
因為我的鬧鐘是手機設(shè)置的，我得把它關(guān)掉……然后沒錯，我也得看一眼通知。
That's how I knew this morning my class was cancelled. I got some extra sleep :D
我就是這樣知道今早的早課取消了的?？梢栽偎粫豪埠俸?/b>
Sleep again for 5 minutes
接著睡五分鐘
My snooze button is both my best friend and my worst enemy
我的打盹鍵是我最好的朋友，也是我最邪惡的敵人
I hate waking up to alarm clock. I prefer to look through the window to check the brightness and see if I can sleep for a bit more or should get up. But I live in an area where it's impossible from May to August and from December to January, because there is not much difference between 6 AM or 9 AM.
我討厭被鬧鐘吵醒。我更喜歡看一眼外面，確定一下天的亮度，看看我是能再睡一會兒還是應(yīng)該起床。但我住的地方從五月到八月和從十二月到一月都沒辦法這么做，因為那里早晨6點和9點之間沒什么區(qū)別。
I wish I could convince myself that snooze is sufficient. It's not. I typically wake up early, like 3am, specifically so I can get off on the realization that it's nighttime and nobody needs me and I can continue to do nothing for HOURS.
我真希望我能說服我自己我已經(jīng)打了足夠久的盹了。但其實不是。我通常是起得很早，比如三點，就是為了讓我意識到現(xiàn)在還是夜晚，沒有人需要我，我可以接著好幾個小時什么都不做。
然后我又睡過去，希望自己能再次在早晨五點醒來，再重復(fù)一次。
說實話這是我每天最棒的一段時間。
Something so satisfying about being the only soul awake for miles (probably not but feels like it!). Also 3am is "dead time" so it's the best time for scaring myself with random noises.
作為方圓幾里之內(nèi)唯一醒著的靈魂（多半并非如此不過感覺確實是這樣?。┐_實是很令人滿足的一件事。還有，早晨三點也是“萬籟俱寂”的時間，所以最適合發(fā)出點隨機的噪聲嚇我一跳了。
Turn to the cold side
翻到?jīng)龅哪敲?/b>
gotta flip that pillow over!
記得把枕頭也翻個面！
Run to the bathroom to pee
跑到廁所尿尿
don't fall!
別摔倒了！
Oh man and I have plenty of times. Stairs are my worst enemy.
我滴媽耶我可摔了太多次了。樓梯是我的大敵。
There's stairs between your bed and your toilet?? That is a fuckin awful setup homie
你家臥室和廁所之間有樓梯？？這房屋布局也太他媽糟糕了兄弟
If there was a bathroom upstairs where all 3 bedrooms are, I’d be happy as hell.
如果樓上三個臥室在的地方有個廁所的話，我要樂死了。
真的是很老的房間了。
I get up to pee like 3 times a night. If I lived in your house I'd have calves of steel
我每天晚上差不多得起夜三次。我要是住在你家，我的小腿都要變成鐵打的了。
Just open the window and piss through it. Easy solution... unless you don't have a window.
直接打開窗戶往外尿唄。很好解決……除非你家臥室沒窗戶。
編輯：澄清一下，我本來是開玩笑的。如果你尿尿的時候從窗戶里甩出去了或者不知道為啥就受傷了，那我不負(fù)責(zé)任。我這么說只是因為我知道人類有時會很蠢。
Don’t do this. I spent the summers at my grandmas house that was set up like this, all bedrooms upstairs and one bathroom. It was also built in like 1900, and windows were easily 45 years old. I opened it to take a leak, and the window gave out and slammed shut, sending a hail of untempered glass into the bedroom and I swore I almost lost my pecker.
別這么做。我夏天在奶奶家住，她們家的布局也是這樣的，所有臥室都在樓上，只有一個洗手間。她家是上世紀(jì)初造好的，所以窗戶已經(jīng)45歲了。我打開窗戶尿一泡，結(jié)果窗戶沒頂住突然關(guān)上了，碎玻璃滿臥室飛，我的鳥差點沒了。
I don’t think I would get up if I didn’t have to pee. Alarm clocks help, but if I need to get up early, I’m chugging a bottle of water right before I go to sleep.
我覺得假如我不想尿尿的話我就起不來床。鬧鐘會幫我，但如果我真的需要早起，那么我會在上床之前先灌自己一大瓶水。
Look out my window at the sky. No matter if it's cold and raining, or sunny with clouds I always give a big smile. Idk why but I've just always done that when I wake up
順著窗戶往外看。不論是陰冷下雨還是晴朗白云，我永遠會露出一個大大的微笑。我不知道為什么，但我每次醒來就是會這么做。
Just happy to be alive.
活著真開心
I guess you are what many strive to be
我猜你是很多人做夢都想成為的那種人。
Remember the days in elementary school, when you’d wake up and look out the window to snow, and then you’d get super excited for a possible snow day!?
還記得上小學(xué)的時候，起床醒來向外看發(fā)現(xiàn)在下雪，然后你就會變得超級興奮因為有可能放假嗎？
Suffer
遭罪
Same. And this weird feeling of 'aww shit, here we go again' but not in the cool GTA kind of way, more in a Groundhog Day kind of way.
我也一樣，這種“哦媽的，又來了”的詭異的感覺，但不是那種很酷的GTA一樣的方式，更像是土撥鼠之日那樣的方式。
Like a contemplating is my job, life/existence, and comfort worth this? The f'n BS of having to travel 1.5hrs into a shit stain called Chicago, walk another mile in the freezing sideways wind cold or rain (the freezing rain is my favorite), to work every damn day, sucking down antidepressants kinda feeling. Then finally get home to enjoy a couple hours of cozy warm home/bed before having to realize you get to do it, yet again and knowing you're never gonna be able to "retire" Ugh. I love that.
比如冥想我的工作，生命/存在，以及與此配得上的舒適？我得為了上班每天都通勤1.5個小時到一個叫芝加哥的鬼地方，在寒冷的人行道上迎著冷風(fēng)或雨再走一英里（我最喜歡的是凍雨），還得吃抗抑郁的藥。然后終于回到家享受一會兒舒服溫暖的床，最終意識到你還得把整個流程再做一遍，并且知道你這輩子永遠也沒有可能“退休”。呃。我愛死這種生活了。
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Smile because my cat wakes me up each morning. Hard to do anything else other than appreciate his cuteness.
微笑，因為我家貓每天早上都會把我叫醒。除了欣賞他的可愛之外很難做其他任何事情。
I’m similar, but different.
我也差不多，但也有點不一樣。
哀嚎，因為我可愛的小貓咪在我渾身上下爬來爬去，而且喵得死去活來的，好像他昨天沒有整晚都在嚼那一大碗貓糧一樣。
Pee
尿尿
in bed?!!! MONSTER
在床上？?。。∧銈€惡魔
Well, I should have said I get out of bed first.
好吧我應(yīng)該說先下床的。
But you could also pee out of the bed while laying in it.
其實你躺在床上也可以往床外尿
Without opening your eyes beforehand?!!! WEIRDO
連眼睛都不睜？?。?！太怪了
Sigh and roll out of bed
嘆口氣，滾下床
Honestly, stretch arms and legs to that point where they start shaking then rip a thunderous fart.
說真的，用力伸展胳膊腿，直到四肢開始發(fā)抖，然后放一個雷霆萬鈞的響屁。
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Stretching until shaking, man the best feeling i can get when waking up.
伸懶腰直到發(fā)抖，瑪?shù)逻@是我醒來時最棒的感受。
I had to check to make sure you are not my husband..
我得反復(fù)確認(rèn)你確實不是我丈夫。
We married to the same man?
我們嫁了同一個男人？
hating myself because i cant fucking sleep enough like ever and i still dont know why
恨我自己，因為我這輩子怎么也睡不夠，我現(xiàn)在也不知道為什么。
八點鐘上床睡覺？
我的身體會想去他媽的吧然后凌晨兩點把我叫醒，不我確實沒有休息好，但不，我也再睡不著了。
唯一的好處就是我不會因為睡過頭上班遲到。
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I then get tired moments before needing to do something.
然后我就會遇到在需要做某事之前先覺得疲倦的時刻。
It's because there are monsters nearby
那是因為附近有魔鬼
I think a really huge factor is consistency. If you're going to fall asleep at 8, you need to do that every night. Eventually you're body will get the hint that 8 pm is bed time and adjust the wake up time to it. If you normally sleep at 2 am and one random night sleep at 8 pm, your body might think of it as a nap because it's so much earlier than your usual time for bed.
我覺得特別重要的因素是堅持。如果你想要八點鐘睡著，那你得每天都這么做。到時候你的身體就會知道晚上八點是睡覺時間，并且會據(jù)此調(diào)整醒來的時間。如果你通常在半夜兩點睡覺，只有某一天晚上在晚上八點睡覺，那么你的身體可能會覺得這一覺是打個盹，因為它比起你通常上床睡覺的時間早太多了。
You could perhaps look into a Melatonin supplement... With your own research and/or a doctor's permission of course.
或許你可以買一點褪黑素補劑……當(dāng)然你要自己研究研究，或者得到醫(yī)生的允許。
哦對了，這個建議很多人都不當(dāng)回事……在你睡覺之前的兩三個小時，把你的所有屏幕都調(diào)節(jié)到低光模式或是“暖”色調(diào)模式。如果沒有調(diào)好的話，顏色會模仿人腦下意識認(rèn)為是“藍光”的顏色，這會干擾自然的節(jié)律周期。
祝你睡得安穩(wěn)，我的朋友。
Scratch my balls.
撓蛋蛋。
Chug water. Gets the body booted up properly
灌水。讓身體好好啟動。
Aryuvedic morning routine : lemon water to stimulate digestive track, yoga to wake up, eliminate waste, morning skincare routine, have a cup of coffee and reddit before the kids wake up.
阿育吠陀起床法：檸檬水用來刺激消化道，瑜伽用來精神起來，排泄廢物，早間護膚，喝杯咖啡，看會兒Reddit，等孩子們起床。
Visit the loo and drop a fat log of shit.
去趟廁所拉一大泡屎。
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good metabolism
新陳代謝不錯
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://m.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
Thanks. I have vegetable soup every evening.
謝謝。我每天早晨都喝蔬菜湯。
我現(xiàn)在準(zhǔn)得像鐘。
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Find my specs.
找眼鏡。
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“Here we fucking go again”
“又他媽來一遍”
戴上笑臉面具
Shower or yell at whoever's in the shower to hurry it up already (especially if they just got in)
沖個澡，或者喊已經(jīng)在沖澡的人趕緊洗（尤其假如他們剛進去的話）
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Lay in bed for 5 mins, then get ready for school
在床上躺五分鐘，然后準(zhǔn)備上學(xué)
Contemplate every choice I’ve ever made up to that point and regret over half of it
思考我這輩子做過的所有決定，后悔其中一半的決定
Lie in bed for another 15 minutes wondering what the hell I was dreaming about.
再躺15分鐘，思考自己剛才夢見了個啥
Realize that was all just a dream.
意識到剛才的一切只是個夢。
Browse my phone. Which seems to be the common thing.
劃拉手機。好像大家都會做這件事。
Continue snuggling into bed. I seem to always wake up before the alarm goes off.
接著在床上顧蛹。我好像總是能在鬧鈴響起來之前起床。
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Get up, turn alarm that's on the other side of my room off, start brewing coffee, pee, then drink my coffee. It's all a race to start my coffee before I piss myself
起床，把房間另一側(cè)的鬧鐘關(guān)掉，開始煮咖啡，尿尿，然后喝咖啡?；旧暇褪勤s在尿褲子之前把咖啡煮好。
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Turn off the alarm clock and then put my clothes on. Then my glasses and watch. Then I go pee.
關(guān)掉鬧鐘然后穿上衣服。然后戴眼鏡戴表。然后去尿尿。
Turn on the heater cos it’s so cold
打開暖氣因為太冷了
pass out again for another 2-4 hours,then sit in front on my PC.
再昏睡兩到四個小時，然后坐到我的電腦前面。
Tuck the boner in
把晨勃塞進去
Sometimes I want to sleep next, sometimes I remember how I'm old and I have to find a wife
有時我想接著睡，有時我想起自己已經(jīng)老大不小了該找個老婆了。
I check my phone then sit there for 20 minutes which inevitably ends in me giving up and running to the bathroom to pee
我會看一眼手機，然后呆坐20分鐘，最終不可避免地放棄，沖到洗手間尿尿。
Remove the bird cover from the birds. They'll sit in the dark otherwise, thinking it's night time. It's not night time, silly birds. It's day. You don't know. You're birds.
給鳥兒把鳥籠子上的簾子拿掉。要不然它們會在黑暗中繼續(xù)坐著，以為是晚上。已經(jīng)不是晚上啦，傻鳥們。白天了。但你們不知道。因為你們是鳥兒。
think how difficult life is and curse everything
思考生活有多么困難，然后詛咒一切
Make my bed and to do list of course. I can’t walk to the bathroom without making my freaking bed
疊好被，然后整理好今天要做的事情。我要是沒疊好被是不可能去廁所的。
Have anxiety. Like immediately.
開始焦慮。就，立刻開始焦慮。
Honestly, I always try to figure out what day it is by playing back the events of the previous day.
說真的，我總是要通過把昨天發(fā)生的事情回憶一遍的方式來搞清楚今天星期幾。
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Sit up quietly on the edge of the bed until my blood pressure comes up (postural hypotension). Then get the day going.
安靜地坐在床邊，直到血壓回升（體位性低血壓）。然后開始這一天。
Silence my alarm. Let the cat in. Lay back down and proceed to chill with said cat for 10 minutes.
把鬧鐘關(guān)掉。把貓放進來。躺回去，和貓咪一起放松十分鐘。
Get up and feed the cat. If I delay it he bites me feet.
起床喂貓。我要是晚了他就咬我腳。
Check my local news to see the the zombie apocalypse started, so I don't have to go to work.
看看當(dāng)?shù)氐男侣?，僵尸世界末日到?jīng)]到來，來了的話我就不用去上班了。
Same as any other cat owner. Feed the Cat.
和所有鏟屎官一樣。喂貓。
Have a long mental argument with myself trying to convince myself to get out of bed.
和自己展開一場漫長的心靈爭辯，嘗試說服自己起床。
Put on my smart watch. Calories don’t burn if nothing is keeping track of them.
戴上智能手表。沒有東西記錄的話，卡路里就不會燃燒掉。
lie in my bed awake for fifteen minutes like my body is trying to initialize and download resources for the rest of the day
醒著在床上躺15分鐘，就好像我的身體正在初始化，并為接下來的一天下載資源一樣。
Look around and realise my dream was more interesting then my life and go back to sleep
看看四周，然后意識到我的夢比我的生活更有意思，然后接著睡
Remove my cat from my chest
把貓從我胸口挪走
I’m so excited about mornings and after waking up, first, I touch my phone to see if I have any breaking news notifications or text messages from overnight.
我每天早晨醒來之后都特別興奮。首先我會點開手機看看有沒有任何突發(fā)新聞的通知，或是昨晚沒回的消息。
Hit the ole porcelain and let the waterfall breach the dam
沖到那個大瓷盆前頭，讓瀑布決堤
Check my phone to see if it is charged. Unless I desperately need to pee.
看一眼手機充沒充滿。除非我憋不住要尿尿。
Check the time, if it’s early, smile cause I get to sleep again, if not, suffer for 10 minutes and will myself to get up XD
看一眼時間。如果還早，那就能笑出來，因為我可以再睡一會兒，如果不早了，那就痛苦十分鐘，然后給自己打氣起床哈哈
Take care of my animals. Go outside, feed and water, spend time with, that kind of stuff.
照顧我養(yǎng)的動物。出門，吃飯喝水，花時間陪陪誰，之類的。
Stoke the woodstove, try to get the last embers from last night. I literally jump out of bed some days, just for fun. Such a good motivation.
給柴火灶添柴，試著找到昨天晚上沒燒完的炭塊。我有些時候真的會從床上跳起來，就是為了好玩。動機太好了。
Try to find the will to live while holding my body pillow for a few mins than I check my phone. Sometimes I also look out my tiny window, I love snow and rain so if I see it I automatically feel bette
一邊抱著等身抱枕一邊嘗試找到活下去的理由，等幾分鐘然后看一眼手機。有時我還會從自己的小窗戶往外看，我喜歡雪和雨，所以如果能看見的話我就會感覺好一些。
Groan.
哀嚎。
Look at the time on my phone, and then rest for around ten more minutes, I almost always wake up before my alarm.
看看手機上的時間，然后再歇十分鐘。我?guī)缀蹩偸悄茉隰[鐘響起來之前起床。
Sit at the edge of my bed and stare at the wall.
坐在床邊，盯著墻看。
I have some pretty lit dreams, so usually I brace myself to reintegrate my consciousness with the real world and remember how simultaneously wonderful and shitty it is all at once.
我會做一些特別真實的夢，所以我通常會讓自己的意識重新回到現(xiàn)實世界，回憶起來這個現(xiàn)實世界是多么的美妙也是多么的糟糕。
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在這零點五秒的時間過去之后，我就翻個身看看手機，和差不多90%的人一樣。哈哈哈
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It varies. Usually I grab my phone and snooze, or at least turn off the alarm. Then sometimes (and I'm trying to break this habit) I just check all the upxes on my phone and browse social media got a bit. Finally, after that I get my clothes for my shower and go attempt to take a dump. Sometimes I'm able to wake up, silence the alarm, and immediately go to the bathroom without browsing my phone... But I always browse it on the toilet. After I finish, I take a shower, and then get ready for work.
分情況。我通常會抓起手機按下打盹鍵，至少會把鬧鐘關(guān)掉，然后有時候（我正在嘗試放棄這個壞習(xí)慣）我會點開手機上的所有信息更新，看看社交媒體什么的。最后我會穿好衣服準(zhǔn)備沖個澡，然后試試?yán)菔?。有時我能起床，按掉鬧鈴，然后立刻去洗手間，不會刷手機……但我在廁所也會看手機。完事之后我就沖個澡，然后準(zhǔn)備工作。
如果是周末的話，那我早晨就不會拉屎。我會自然醒（沒有鬧鐘）然后看一會兒手機。如果那天我有事情要出門的話，我就洗個澡。
Cries
哭
Get depressed after realizing the sex dream was not real
在意識到昨晚的春夢不是真的之后，開始抑郁。
go on my ipad and just reply to everything i got then lose track of time and its 3pm
打開ipad，回復(fù)我需要回復(fù)的所有信息，然后失去對時間的意識，然后發(fā)現(xiàn)已經(jīng)下午三點了。
Question my life choices and spend 10 minutes wondering if I should get up or not, but by then I usually go to the bathroom and figure, as long as I'm up, I might as well get the day started.
質(zhì)疑我做過的人生選擇，然后花10分鐘的時間思考自己應(yīng)不應(yīng)該起床，但是到時候我通常已經(jīng)在洗手間了，只要我能起來的話。然后我就準(zhǔn)備一天的事情。
Turn off the alarm, and if I don’t snooze, I get up and almost sleepwalk to the kitchen to feed my cat who absolutely freaks out at the idea of finally getting some food.
關(guān)掉鬧鈴。如果我沒接著打盹的話，我就起床，幾乎夢游一般地走到廚房去喂貓，它只要一想到終于有東西吃了就幾乎要瘋了。
The first thing I do is I wake up and play my Daily Streak on a Game.
第一件事就是醒過來在游戲上做每日簽到。
575天了，仍然在堅持！
Sending "Ah shit here we go again" to my friend. We successfully send this every morning to each other for more that a year. And unsuccessfully for around three.
給我朋友發(fā)一條“哎他媽的又是一天”。我們已經(jīng)成功地互相發(fā)這條消息超過一年了。不成功的時候大概有三年。
Greet my cat because she has been waiting for me to wake up. Love that early morning scratching
跟我的貓道早安，因為她一直在等我起床。喜歡她一大清早就開始撓東西的樣子。
Check to see if I have a migraine
看看我是不是犯偏頭痛了
Yo nobody give their so a kiss or something?
喲沒人親一口自己的另一半嗎
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Curse myself for how tied I am and promise myself an early night after work that day..... It never happens and I never learn.
因為自己累得要命而罵自己，向自己保證今晚工作完早點睡……這種事從來不會發(fā)生，我也從來都不長記性。
Immediately try to remember what position I was in before falling alseep, and recognize that current position - have I moved in my sleep I'll ask myself? Failed experiment every time..
立刻試著回憶自己在睡著之前是什么姿勢，然后再看看自己現(xiàn)在是什么姿勢——我會問自己睡覺的時候我翻過身嗎？這個實驗每次都會失敗……
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Remember what day it is. I work nights so sometimes I lose track of what day it is lol
回憶一下今天星期幾。我有時上夜班，所以會忘了今天是哪天哈哈哈
Feed my cat, shes usually the one waking me up before the alarmclock goes off, and if she aint getting her morningfood shes just gonna keep waking me up.
喂貓，她通常會在鬧鐘響起來之前就把我叫醒，而且如果她早晨吃不到飯的話，她就會一直叫我起床。
I lay there and listen. I'm up most of the night anyway so I just lay there and listen.....we have lots of owls and coyotes in our neighborhood so I'm either hearing hoot hoot hoot of great horned owls.....a weird warbling of screech owls.....or the screech of barn owls......or what sounds like the scream of 50 small children wanting mama (coyotes)....or the worst yet. Absolutely nothing. Those nights chill the fuck out of me. Hearing absolutely nothing.
我會躺在床上傾聽。晚上我基本都不睡，所以我就躺在那里傾聽……我們這里有很多的貓頭鷹和野狼，所以我要么會聽到雕鸮唔唔唔的叫聲……要么會聽到鳴角鸮詭異的哇哇聲……要么聽到倉梟的嘯叫聲……或者是五十個小孩子叫媽媽一樣的尖叫聲（野狼）……最糟糕的是什么都聽不到。那種晚上會把我嚇個半死。什么都聽不到。
Try to smell for the coffee to see if my wife has started making coffee yet.
聞聞有沒有咖啡味兒，看看我老婆是不是開始煮咖啡了
Complain in my head about the day then go about my day as normal to repeat the process the next day
在腦子里抱怨即將到來的一天，然后照常進行這一天，明天把這個流程再重復(fù)一遍。