作為一個高智商的人，你最喜歡的IQ笑話是什么？
As a high IQ individual, what is your favorite joke about IQ?
譯文簡介
兩位數(shù)學(xué)教授正在校園附近的一家小餐館吃早餐。他們的談話轉(zhuǎn)到了普通人對數(shù)學(xué)了解多少的問題，史密斯教授認為大多數(shù)人對數(shù)學(xué)知之甚少，而瓊斯教授則持相反意見。在討論過程中，史密斯教授借故去洗手間。
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Two mathematics professors are having breakfast in a little diner near campus. The conversation turns to how much the average person knows about math with Professor Smith arguing that most people know very little, while Professor Jones arguing against him. In the course of the discussion Professor Smith excuses himself to go to the restroom.
Taking advantage of his absence, Professor Jones calls over the waitress, hands her $10 and says “when my friend comes back to the table, we’re going to call you over and ask you ‘what is the integral of 2x?’, and you’re going to answer ‘X squared’, ok?” The waitress fidgets a bit, but Professor Jones reassures her “you’ll be able to do it honey, just say ‘x squared’ just memorize those words exactly like that”. Still the waitress looks a bit anxious, but the professor insists, hands her another $10, and says “you can do it, ‘X squared’” . The waitress still looks apprehensive, but finally agrees.
兩位數(shù)學(xué)教授正在校園附近的一家小餐館吃早餐。他們的談話轉(zhuǎn)到了普通人對數(shù)學(xué)了解多少的問題，史密斯教授認為大多數(shù)人對數(shù)學(xué)知之甚少，而瓊斯教授則持相反意見。在討論過程中，史密斯教授借故去洗手間。
趁他不在，瓊斯教授叫來了服務(wù)員，遞給她10美元，說：“當我朋友回來時，我們會叫你過來問‘2x的積分是什么？’，你要回答‘x的平方’，好嗎？”服務(wù)員有些不安，但瓊斯教授安慰她：“你能做到的，親愛的，只要說‘x的平方’，就按我說的那樣記住。”服務(wù)員仍然顯得有些緊張，但教授堅持，又遞給她10美元，并說：“你可以的，‘x的平方’?！狈?wù)員依然顯得不安，但最終同意了。
So they call over the waitress, and Professor Jones asks “Sweetie, do you know the integral of 2x?”. The waitress looks at her shoes, and begins to hem and haw. Professor Jones prods “Come on dear, I’m sure you know it”. Finally the waitress looks up and says “X squared”.
Professor Jones shouts “Yes! Thank you angel, and what did I tell you Smith!” As Smith shakes his head incredulously and reaches for his wallet, the waitress turns to walk away, but as she goes she mumbles to herself “plus a constant.”
當史密斯教授回來時，兩人繼續(xù)他們的討論，最后瓊斯教授說：“你總是低估普通人的數(shù)學(xué)知識。我打賭50美元，連那邊的女服務(wù)員都知道2x的積分?！笔访芩菇淌诳┛┬χ⒖陶f：“我賭了！”
于是他們叫來那位女服務(wù)員，瓊斯教授問：“親愛的，你知道2x的積分嗎？”女服務(wù)員看著她的鞋子，開始支支吾吾。瓊斯教授鼓勵道：“來吧，親愛的，我相信你知道?！弊詈笈?wù)員抬起頭，說：“X的平方。”
瓊斯教授喊道：“是的！謝謝你，天使，我早說了吧，史密斯！”史密斯難以置信地搖著頭，伸手去拿錢包，女服務(wù)員轉(zhuǎn)身離開，但走的時候自言自語地補了一句：“還得加一個常數(shù)?！?/b>
Clint Potts A most-read author on Quora and a Top Writer for 2018
This joke is attributed to actions by Einstein, though I have no evidence that it ever happened. With that said, the following is a true story. ;)
In his prime years, riding the wave of celebrity afforded only Einstein, the scientist and mathematician was giving a series of lectures on college campuses around the country. He was accompanied on these trips by his driver. The two had known each other for several years.
On their umteenth stop the driver commented that he’d now heard Einstein’s speech so many times that he could deliver it himself, word for word.
The genius raised his eyebrows. “You know, they don’t know me here. Why don’t you do it?”
And so, a plan was hatched. The driver would deliver the speech, and Einstein would stand in the back of the room, wearing the driver’s livery (chauffeur coat and hat).
這個笑話據(jù)說與愛因斯坦的行為有關(guān)，不過我無法證實其真實性。但下面要講的故事確有其事。;)
愛因斯坦正值全盛時期，作為當時唯一享有巨星般聲望的科學(xué)家與數(shù)學(xué)家，他在全美各大高校巡回演講，司機一路隨行。兩人相識已有數(shù)年。
在他們的第無數(shù)次停留時，司機說他已經(jīng)聽了愛因斯坦的演講太多次了，以至于自己可以一字不差地說出來。
這位天才揚起眉毛：“你知道，他們在這里不認識我。為什么你不來試試呢？”
于是，他們制定了一個計劃。司機負責(zé)演講，而愛因斯坦則站在教室后面，穿著司機的制服（司機的外套和帽子）。
Einstein, from his perch in the back of the room, watched in anticipation. How would his driver get out of this one?
The driver dabbed at his brow with a handkerchief. He spoke: “My dear, that question is so obvious and simple that I will allow my chauffeur to answer it for us!”
…at least that’s how I heard it.
司機完美地完成了演講，在黑板上重現(xiàn)了愛因斯坦的方程式，并用愛因斯坦的笑話逗樂了觀眾！他甚至還回答了他們所到之處提出的幾個問題。他一直堅持到有一名學(xué)生站起來問了一個后續(xù)問題，這超出了司機的知識和理解范圍。愛因斯坦在教室后面觀望，期待地看著。司機會怎么應(yīng)對呢？
司機用手帕擦了擦額頭，然后說：“親愛的，這個問題太簡單了，我就讓我的司機來為我們解答！”
……至少我是這么聽說的。
原創(chuàng)翻譯：龍騰網(wǎng) http://m.top-shui.cn 轉(zhuǎn)載請注明出處
Allan A Corporate finance, former physician & research physicist
A university professor is conducting research in the forests of the Amazon and needs to cross a wide river. He hires a boatman for the purpose who will row him across to the opposite bank.
As they start to cross the river, the professor gets talking with the laborer and at one point he asks the man -
“Do you know anything about mathematics?”
“No sir.”
“How about history or philosophy?”
“Neither of those.”
“How could you be so ignorant? Have you never been to university?”
“Well I dropped out of grade school.”
The professor smiles smugly as he says with a condescending tone -
“It’s a pity you know. It’s like half of your life were wasted if you have no college education.”
Only moments later a storm hits the boat and it capsizes.
Both men are flung into the river’s rapids and as the boatman is about to swim to the other bank, the professor thrashes around in the water in sheer panic.
The boatman says to him
“Don’t you know how to swim?”
“No!”
To which the uneducated peasant replies sadly -
“It’s a pity, sir. How your entire life is wasted now!”
一位大學(xué)教授正在亞馬遜森林中進行研究，他需要渡過一條寬闊的河流。為此，他雇了一名船夫來劃船帶他到對岸。
當他們開始過河時，教授與這位工人交談起來，在某個時刻他問：“你懂數(shù)學(xué)嗎？”
“不懂，先生?！?br /> “那歷史或哲學(xué)呢？”
“也不懂。”
“你怎么能這么無知？你從來沒上過大學(xué)嗎？”
“嗯，我小學(xué)就輟學(xué)了。”
教授帶著自鳴得意的微笑，用居高臨下的語氣說：“真可惜，你知道嗎？如果你沒有接受大學(xué)教育，就好像浪費了半輩子?！?br /> 就在幾分鐘后，暴風(fēng)雨襲擊了小船，小船翻了。
兩人都被拋入河流的急流中，當船夫正準備游向?qū)Π稌r，教授在水中驚恐地掙扎。船夫?qū)λf：“你不會游泳嗎？”
“不會！”
沒有受過教育的船夫悲哀地回答：“真可惜，先生。您現(xiàn)在整個人生都要浪費了！”
James Manchester I have a father. He's an accountant. Enough said.
A rather long winded one, and you may have heard it before, but let’s see…
An engineer gets fired, so he starts up a makeshift doctor business. His sign says ‘$500 for treatment, $1000 back if you don’t get cured’.
A doctor walks past and thinks that this would be a great way to get an extra $500. So he walks up to the engineer and ways ‘Engineer, I’ve lost my vision!’
The engineer says, ‘Here, have this.’
The doctor says ‘But that’s petrol!’
‘Congratulations! You’ve got your sight back!’
The doctor walks away annoyed and $500 poorer. He walks down the street later and decides to try again.
He says, ‘Engineer, I’ve lost my taste!’
The engineer says, ‘Here, try this!’
The doctor spits it out and says ‘Yuck! That’s petrol!’
‘Congratulations! $500 please!’ says the engineer. The doctor has now lost $1000, with the engineer laughing to himself and $1000 richer. Doctors don’t always win!
Not quite the stuff to make you laugh, but it’s something to keep you entertained. Happy reading!
這可能是個你聽過的老笑話，但還是聽聽看吧：
一個工程師被解雇了，于是他開了個臨時的醫(yī)生診所。他的招牌上寫著“治療費500美元，治不好退1000美元”。
一個醫(yī)生路過，覺得這是賺500美元的好機會。于是他走到工程師面前說：“工程師，我失明了！”
工程師說：“來，試試這個。”醫(yī)生說：“但這不就是汽油嗎？”“恭喜！你的視力恢復(fù)了！”醫(yī)生氣憤地走開了，損失了500美元。他回頭想了想，決定再試一次。
他說：“工程師，我失去了味覺！”工程師說：“來，試試這個！”醫(yī)生立刻吐了出來，說：“嘔！這是汽油！”“恭喜！請付500美元！”工程師說道。醫(yī)生現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)損失了1000美元，而工程師則在一旁偷笑，口袋里多了1000美元?？磥磲t(yī)生并不總是能贏！
雖然不一定能讓你捧腹大笑，但希望能給你帶來些許樂趣。祝閱讀愉快！
Caleb Beers Software Engineer (2020–present)
I dunno about IQ, but this is a favorite joke about academic disciplines:
An economist, a mathematician, a physicist, and a philosopher all go from the United States to the UK for a meeting. They take a train after their plane lands, and on their way through the Scottish countryside, they see a field with a brown cow.
The Economist says, “The cows in Scotland are brown!”
The physicist says, “Some of the cows in Scotland are brown.”
The mathematician shakes his head and says, “There is at least one cow in Scotland that is brown on one side.”
The philosopher rubs his chin for 15 minutes and says, “Well, what do we mean by ‘cow?’”
(they promptly throw him off the train)
我不太清楚智商的事，但這是一個關(guān)于學(xué)術(shù)學(xué)科的笑話：
一位經(jīng)濟學(xué)家、數(shù)學(xué)家、物理學(xué)家和哲學(xué)家從美國到英國參加會議。他們的飛機降落后，乘坐火車穿越蘇格蘭鄉(xiāng)村時，看見田野里有一頭棕色的牛。
經(jīng)濟學(xué)家說：“蘇格蘭的牛是棕色的！”
物理學(xué)家說：“蘇格蘭有些牛是棕色的?！?br /> 數(shù)學(xué)家搖搖頭說：“至少有一頭牛在蘇格蘭是一側(cè)是棕色的?！?br /> 哲學(xué)家摸著下巴思考了15分鐘，然后說：“那么，我們所說的‘牛’是什么意思？”
（于是他們立刻把哲學(xué)家扔下了火車）
Jonathan Geach MD in Doctor of Medicine, Loma Linda University School of Medicine
The Pope, the President, a Boy Scout, and the smartest man in the world are on a plane. The plane is going to crash. Fortunately, there are three parachutes.
The pope says, “I am the leader of the Church on all of earth. I must live for the good of the Church.” He takes a parachute and jumps.
The smartest man in the world says, “I am the smartest man in the world. I must live to move humanity forward.” He takes a parachute and jumps.
Finally, the president turns to the Boy Scout. “I’ve lived a good life. Let’s be honest, the US will be fine with Mike Pence running things. You take the last parachute.”
The Boy Scout says, “Mr. President there are still two parachutes left. The smartest man in the world just took my backpack!”
No matter how smart someone is, be humble, the kid may know more than you.
教皇、總統(tǒng)、童子軍和世界上最聰明的人在一架飛機上。飛機即將墜毀，但幸運的是有三個降落傘。
教皇說：“我是全世界教會的領(lǐng)袖，我必須為了教會的利益活下去。”于是他拿了一個降落傘包跳下去了。
世界上最聰明的人說：“我是世界上最聰明的人，我必須活下去以推動人類的進步?！庇谑撬材昧艘粋€降落傘包跳下去了。
最后，總統(tǒng)對童子軍說：“我已經(jīng)過上了美好的一生。說實話，美國由邁克·彭斯掌管也沒問題。你拿最后一個降落傘吧。”
童子軍說：“總統(tǒng)先生，其實還有兩個降落傘。剛才那位世界上最聰明的人拿走的是我的背包！”
不論一個人多聰明，都要保持謙虛，孩子可能知道的比你多。
Dansbooks Studied at Shimer College (Graduated 1977)
God is walking around Heaven one day, somewhat bored. He goes up to a fellow and asks his name. “Albert Einstein,” the man replies. “And what is your IQ?” asks God. “About 180,” says Einstein. “Great’ says God. “Let’s talk about quantum mechanics.”
After talking about quantum mechanics for awhile, God walks around until he sees another person. “What’s your name?” God asks. “Susan Johnson,” she replies. “What’s your IQ?” asks God. “About 125,” says Johnson. “Great” says God. “Let’s talk about the various political systems on Earth.”
After talking about political systems on Earth for awhile, God walks around until he sees a third person. “What’s your name?” God asks. The man thinks for awhile, then finally says “Joe.” “What’s your IQ?” asks God. Again Joe thinks about it for awhile, and finally says “Uhhhhh…60?” “Great” says God. “Let’s talk about the future of interest rates.”
For all the economists out there…
有一天，上帝在天堂里閑逛，感到有些無聊。他走到一個人面前，問他的名字?！鞍柌亍垡蛩固?，”那人回答?！澳愕闹巧淌嵌嗌伲俊鄙系蹎柕??！按蠹s180，”愛因斯坦說?！疤昧?，”上帝說。“我們來聊聊量子力學(xué)吧?！?br /> 聊了一會兒量子力學(xué)后，上帝繼續(xù)閑逛，直到看到另一個人。“你叫什么名字？”上帝問道?！疤K珊·約翰遜，”她回答?！澳愕闹巧淌嵌嗌?？”上帝問道?！按蠹s125，”約翰遜說?！疤昧?，”上帝說。“我們來聊聊地球上的各種政治制度吧?！?br /> 聊了一會兒地球上的政治制度后，上帝繼續(xù)走著，直到看到第三個人?！澳憬惺裁疵?？”上帝問道。那人想了一會兒，終于說：“喬?！?“你的智商是多少？”上帝又問。喬又想了想，最后說：“呃……60？”“太好了，”上帝說。“我們來聊聊利率的未來吧?！?br /> 獻給所有的經(jīng)濟學(xué)家們…
Dennis Manning Studied at Perryville Senior High (Graduated 1981)
Two actuaries go rabbit hunting.
One shoots, and the dirt to the right of the rabbit flies up.
The second one shoots, and the dirt to the left of the rabbit flies up.
Both pull out their slide rules, do some figuring, then start jumping up and down in excitement.
“We hit the rabbit!”
兩個精算師去打兔子。
第一個開槍，兔子右邊的土飛起來了。
第二個開槍，兔子左邊的土飛起來了。
兩人拿出計算尺，算了一會兒，然后興奮地跳起來。
“我們打中兔子了！”
Mariotte 13 22h
I'm not a high IQ individual but I've worked with plenty graduates from some of the top engineering schools in France like école polytechnique.
Here's the joke:
A graduate from école polytechnique is interviewing for a job at Airbus helicopters in Marignane, France.
The recruiter asks him when he would available to start.
The guy says he is available now.
The recruiter calls Pierre, the old foreman, introduces the new recruit and asks Pierre to get him settled.
Pierre opens a cupboard, grabs a broom, hands it to the young man and says:
-There. Start sweeping the floor.
The graduate protests:
-But, sir, I graduated from Polytechnique!
Pierre stares at him, grabs the broom and says:
-I didn't know that. Sorry. Let me show you how to do it.
我并不是高智商的人，但我曾與很多法國頂尖工程學(xué)院的畢業(yè)生共事過，比如巴黎綜合理工學(xué)院。以下是一個笑話：
一名巴黎綜合理工學(xué)院的畢業(yè)生在法國馬里尼昂的空客直升機公司面試。招聘官問他什么時候可以開始工作。這個人說他現(xiàn)在就可以開始。于是招聘官叫來了老工頭皮埃爾，介紹了這位新員工，并讓皮埃爾帶他熟悉工作。
皮埃爾打開柜子，拿出一把掃帚遞給年輕人，說：“來，開始掃地吧?！?
畢業(yè)生不滿地說：“可是，先生，我是巴黎綜合理工學(xué)院的畢業(yè)生??！”
皮埃爾盯著他看了一會兒，拿起掃帚說：“我不知道。抱歉，我來給你演示一下怎么掃地?！?/b>